This post started out to be a trip report of my long trail run on Saturday followed by the crashing of my car into a guardrail on
. I was going to title it Calm Before the Snowstorm. Seeing as how a wintrocalypse was getting
ready to hit the state it seemed apt.
But before I could sit down at the computer life turned on its
head. Yes, even the crashing of my car
paled in comparison to what was to come. Slade Mountain
As you may or may not know Mandy and I became involved in organizing a local trail half marathon. Yes, I’m being intentionally vague. You might be able to ascertain where this is going.
Anyway, she had read the tea leaves far more accurately than I. She had warned me that things weren’t as they seemed. Deep down I knew it. Deep down I just didn’t want to believe that it wouldn’t work out. But, as is most often the case, my wife out-realized the realist.
Without going into details suffice it to say that we’re no longer involved with the Rugged Red. I have no urge to run it this year, and we have already effectively moved on. I should feel sick to my stomach. I should be mad. I should be crestfallen. I’m not.
Lately I’ve realized that my life has become too complicated. I’ve got forty irons in the fire and only two hands. This seems very providential to me. I’m too easily distracted and for two years I’ve been letting myself get pulled in every direction.
Recently my dad found out he has colon cancer. I’m forty one year old and I’ve lost one family member that I was close to and a couple of friends. Each day that passes only magnifies the odds that I’m going to start losing people close to me. I don’t mean to sound morbo-obsessive, but it’s a fact I’ve been cognizant of for at least ten years. While dad’s cancer is operable it’s still somewhat of a wakeup call. And then the universe cranks up the dial…
Last week he had a heart attack on top of everything else. And I realized I wasn’t ready to lose a parent. Or a kid. Or my wife.
So going out and limping to a bail-out point five miles shy of my big run goal…even after crashing into a guardrail and jacking up my car…even after resolving to sell my Yamacraw registration…
I am relieved that we’re not working on the race now. I’m thankful I can just fade into the background and maybe finally start enjoying my time a little better. That’s not to say I’ve dropped my crusade to get some mountain bike trails built near home. That’s not to say I’ve stopped trail running altogether.
This is a good first step to undo my chronic tendency to over-extend myself. I know it’s hard to believe. Anyway, there is no more Ruggedeer blog. I am no longer Assistant to the Race Director. I’ve learned a few things. I don’t think I’m more cynical for having experienced all of this though it would be easy to be so.
I see this as a new beginning. And I’ve needed a new beginning for a long time. I didn’t really get off on the right foot after we moved back to
from Colorado. It’s been a rough couple of years. But lately I’ve really started to see what
could be an exciting path ahead. I’ve
started to figure some key things out.
And with that, I give you the next chapter in this whole crazy blogging saga.