I'm a procrastinator and a slacker. For my day job I just pretend that I'm not. This dual life that I live has me in constant internal conflict. To cope I attempt copious amounts of outdoor therapy but often fail miserably at that even.
*Big heaving sigh*
About a year ago I resolved to self-edit and then self-publish my first book: Leadville or Bust. Without realizing so much time had passed I sat down about a week ago to make some progress, basically starting at the beginning. Then I realized my proclamation from a year ago to get it out was hollow and failed.
*Big heaving sigh*
I'm halfway through my most recent reading. Edits are mostly minor with some rewriting to incorporate previous footnotes into the text for easier formatting. The Crash Test Librarian had recommended I include footnotes, and when I did I felt it helped tell the story but maintain the flow of my original writing (mostly blog posts), though now I find that the technical aspects of doing an ebook with footnotes is just going to become another barrier to publication.
As I go back through the book--and I'm sure this has also been a significant barrier--I realize that if I publish it now there is a final chapter that cannot be written at this time. The journey is not complete, and therefore the book does not seem complete. I've not gotten a belt buckle. I still feel like I need at least one more shot at a sub-twelve hour finish. This year is out. And who knows what will happen next year?
I am inclined to revamp the ending I have now indicating that a conclusion is coming. But I have no idea how far out that might be. Or if I will ever conclude the personal journey. I may have diverged too far from that path to ever get back. The miles are many.
Here is my final proclamation on this book: I will publish it as an ebook on August 13, 2016 or I will shelve it indefinitely.
Why August 13? Well, that's one calendar month from today. That should be enough time for me to work through whatever technical hang ups I might find if I get down to it right now today and crank through. And...
And...August 13 is the date of the 2016 Leadville Trail 100 mountain bike race.
At the very least I will publish to Kindle. I can't promise other ebook formats just yet. I will do my best to be all inclusive.
My intent--but no promises--is that if I can get it out and it is moderately successful after the race then I'll plan on attending the 2017 race as a vendor with printed books and merchandise in hand. And maybe after the expo I'll be able to toe up to the starting line. Right now I can't make a sure proclamation to that effect, but who knows what will happen over the course of the next year?
I need to close out this chapter. I think I can't move on as a writer because I'm still tied up to this book which is firmly anchored in a past I have moved on from. I need to sever the cord that holds me or deal with it. This is me saying I am doing just that. The book is going to meet its destiny thirty days from now.
I'm forty two years old. While I hope I can remain active for many years to come, I am too old to hang onto some idling dream of becoming a mountain bike racer. That ship really sailed a long time ago before I was the person I am now. I either need to accept that or resolve the (at least) two competing aspects of my life.
The book was written when I was chasing this now outdated dream of getting fit and winning a big old silver belt buckle. But it wasn't finished. I let myself down and have been carrying around that regret for too long now. It's time to cleanse and purge. I've given myself more than enough time so now is the moment of truth.
Leadville or Bust here I come!